Fear of fear itself
This is something I wrote and published long ago on a site called “Anxiety: Getting Through the Storm.” It’s also on the Anxiety Junction Facebook page. Republished here.
“The only thing we have to fear is … fear itself.”
FDR addressed an anxious nation that had fallen on hard economic times. But he could just as easily have been addressing individuals today who suffer chronic anxiety. Many could offer a long list of fears that trouble them. But in reality, their primary fear is often fear itself. The inner voice is all too familiar: “Oh no! What if I panic and make a fool of myself! What if my anxiety never goes away and I always feel awful from now on!”
The anticipation of fear — the worry about being anxious — is a self-fulfilling prophecy. The sufferer tries frantically to stifle the anxiety. (It must be stopped! It must!) But the strenuous attempts to drive it away only stoke the fire. The desperation that accompanies these efforts actually generates more anxiety. Fresh waves of fear crash over the mind that struggles to make it stop.
Body symptoms differ among individuals. Cold sweat, hot flashes, spaced-out feelings of unreality. But one thing they have in common is this: The harder they try to force the fear out of their consciousnesses, the more it persists and the worse it gets. Sometimes it ends in a full-scale panic attack that leaves the person exhausted, bewildered and fearful of another such episode.
This is not a description of an insane person. Rather, it is someone who, though sane, has developed a bad habit — a habit of thought. The sufferer has experienced the unpleasantness of fear and is vexed with the prospect of going through it again. This is the result of unintentional mental training.
There is a better way. The sufferer came into his miserable state by habit — that is, through repeated thoughts and behaviors that have become second nature. Maybe that sufferer is you. If so, you can get out the same way you got in: by forming new habits of thought. First, realize that the essence of FDR’s quote applies to all who suffer like this — that they are afraid mainly of fear. In their heart of hearts, they don’t really believe the catastrophic thoughts that sometimes pop into their minds. The core of the trouble is a helpless anticipation of being manhandled by panic, worry, anxiety. The thing they really fear during these episodes is the escalating fear. They are scared of being scared.
The new habit of thought must go something like this:
I am starting to get anxious. But I know that, more than anything right now, I’m afraid of getting anxious. I also know that trying desperately to stop it will only make it intensify. So, I won’t try. I’ll just be anxious right now. After all, it’s only fear and I’m in no real danger — it’s no big deal. Fear can’t injure me. It can make me uncomfortable, but that’s all. I’ll just put up with being uncomfortable for now. It will pass. It always does.
Fight the fear, worry, obsessive thoughts and they loom larger and larger. Your resistance gives them credibility and power. But something different happens when you consistently accept them, resign yourself to them, tell yourself to just wait them out. The episodes grow shorter and shorter. In time, they become less menacing. They no longer terrify and impair one’s quality of life.
FDR was right about fear. It is the real enemy. Recognizing this can help get you through the storm.
Please note: I am neither a doctor nor a mental health professional. This page only offers commonsense advice. If you have serious issues with anxiety or depression, consult a mental health professional.
